Nashville Shooter Audrey
Hale’s Imaginary Penis
Ever
since the dead-eyed, boyish-looking Audrey Hale blasted her way into the
Nashville Covenant School on March 27, 2023 and killed three students and three
adult staffers before two cops shot her
dead, the unanswered question remains: Why did she
do it?
Early
speculation hinged around the fact that Hale had
taken to calling herself “Aiden” and that her
rampage was motivated by a desire to take “trans
vengeance” against a hateful transphobic society
that refused to accept that she was a “he.” But
where was her “Tranifesto”?
In
early April 2023, the Metropolitan Nashville
Police Department revealed it had seized a list of items belonging to
Hale that included phones, laptops, a suicide
note, and 19 journals.
Star
News Digital Media, parent company of
Nashville-based conservative-leaning website The
Tennessee Star, filed a lawsuit on May 9,
2023 attempting to compel the FBI to release
Hale’s writings to the public. Two days later, the
FBI sent a memo to Nashville police opposing the documents’ release.
In
November 2023, cross-dressing
conservative influencer Steven Crowder leaked
three pages from Hale’s writings, the entire
contents of which I have previously transcribed. One of the three
pages consisted of Hale’s timeline for her
“massacre,” and another appears to have been
written the same day she committed the shooting.
Beyond using a byline of “Aiden,” the three leaked
pages didn’t mention trannies at all and instead
suggested that Hale was motivated by rage against
“crackers/going to fancy private schools.”
Other
information that has dribbled in since the
massacre painted a picture of a delusional failed
artist named Audrey Hale who formed unrequited
crushes on local black girls. So apart from
revealing herself as an aspiring interracial
lesbian, there was still almost nothing about
gender dysphoria as a motivating factor in Hale’s
mass shooting.
On
June 5 of this year, The Tennessee Star
confirmed that it had received digital images of
“about 80 pages of Hale’s writings from a source
close to the Covenant investigation.” The images
were “of notebook pages written by Hale that were
recovered from the vehicle she drove to the
Covenant School.” Mind you, that leaves the
contents of at least 18 other journals, as well as
Hale’s phones and laptops, still unreleased.
Unlike
the previous leaks, the passages culled from the
journal reveal a tortured sufferer of gender
psychosis with horrible spelling and an axe to
grind against a society which wouldn’t accept that
she was “actually” a male.
Diminutive
heeb Ben Shapiro’s Daily Wire obtained
screenshots of three of the
recently-unveiled journal pages and, just like their
former associate Steven Crowder did months ago, they made sure to
plaster their watermark all over the images.
Since
June 5, the Star has published dozens of articles about the
leaks as well as their legal struggles to compel
authorities to release all of Audrey Hale’s
writings.
Citing
the Metro Nashville Police Department, the Star
reported that Hale began receiving mental-health
treatment at the Vanderbilt University Medical
Center in April 2001, when she was only six years
old. They also confirmed that she’d been
prescribed four psychoactive medications: the
antidepressant Lexapro and the anti-anxiety meds
Ativan, Hydroxyzine, and Buspirone.
At
the moment, there is no evidence that Hale was
taking male hormones or had received any
female-to-male reassignment surgery. The idea that
she was actually a boy trapped in a girl’s body
was all in her head.
Today
— Monday June 17, 2024 — Tennessee Star
editor-in-chief Michael Patrick Leahy will appear
before a black female judge named I’Ashea Myles to
explain why he didn’t violate a court order to
keep “certain purported documents and information”
under seal.
What
follows is a compilation of passages gleaned from
the tiny textual nuggets that the Star has
already released as well as unedited, uncorrected,
and sexually graphic transcripts taken from
journal screenshots dated March 11, 2023 — 16 days
before the Covenant School Shooting. It appears
that all of the entries were written in early
2023. Based on the leaks from last November, I’ve
taken the liberty of assuming that what the Tennessee
Star rendered as “f*****” is actually
“faggot” rather than “fucker.”
Undated
Entries
Why does my brain not work right? Cause I was
born wrong. . . . Nothing on earth can save me .
. . never ending pain. Religion won’t save.
A
terrible feeling to know I am nothing of the
gender I was born of. I am the most unhappy boy
alive. I wish to be dead.
I
will be of no use of love for any girl if I
don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male
gender.
No
brown girls, no love. . . . I am nothing. Brown
love is the most beautiful kind.
I’ve
always been different. A lot of people run away
from my difference like it is the plague or
something. . . . Why did God make me this way? I
feel wrong. I was born wrong.
My
dreams cannot be here, so I must die. I feel
bad. Hurt too much. Sad all the goddamned time.
Either I have too much estrogen or am just a
sad, lonely boy.
The
[cocoon] of my old self will die when I leave my
body and the boy in me will be free; in the
butterfly transformation; the real me. . . . If
God won’t give me a boy body in heaven, then
Jesus is a faggot.
1/19/23
EVERYTHING HURTS. . . .
A
terrible feeling to know you I am nothing of the
gender I was born of.
I
am the most unhappy boy alive
I
wish to be dead. X
1/25/23
Want butt sex a big beautiful brown girl, w/ a
big ass and a small asshole
If
I had a penis, it’d be big + rock hard too bad I
am a sad boy born w/ a puny vagina . . .
I
pay no rent or bills . . . still live [with]
parents, might as well throw me in a retard
home.
2/6/2023
Everything HURTS
I
will be of no use of love for any girl if I
don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male
gender.
I
am the most unhappy boy alive.
Major
blow to girls; I am a boy that has no penis.
2/7/23
WHITE NOTHINGNESS
My
parents aren’t rich. They work hard for [their]
money so I didn’t end up homeless. Yet I still
feel bad . . . poor people resent this shit. . .
.
It
be better to be average [and] have friends. The
most brilliant people suffer the most and are
the most isolated from everything they love.
2/20/23
Fuck getting old; all that BS . . . it’s
infamous to die young! Dying young is my destiny
. . .
I
make no impact . . . all my success was
overcoming my darkness. . . . I know myself / no
one knew, no one knows me; this life; reality.
I
am of no society. And I hate society [because]
society ignores to see me. I’m a queer; I am
meant to die.
It’s
not everyone in the White House making
criminalizing laws; it’s someone scheming. . . .
And whoever he/she/they may be, they are not
American [and] have no care in the world about
what ‘Land of the Free’ means. Whatever faggot
is taking away human rights is not of a human at
all; just a robot.
So
now in America, it makes one a criminal to have
a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary. God I
hate those shithead politicians.
Disabled
have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have
rights, gun owners have rights.
So
now [because] of you, I wish death on myself
cause of the pure hatred of my female gender . .
. with no rights, anyone’s country is a shitty
dictatorship.
2/21/23
I was called a woman, lady, and ma’am all in the
same day. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY GENDER.
EVERYTHING HURTS.
I
was actually identified as a male today and it
felt right but embarrassed of my female body. I
SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS BODY!
3/8/23
I need a trans doctor . . . this female gender
role makes me want to not exist. . . .
3/11/23
My Imaginary Penis
My
penis exists in my head. I swear to god Im a
male. I think about sexual fantasies, about how
if my dick was real I’d fuck the girl I love in
the ass. I want to know what thats like, but I
never will because I was damned to be born this
way. I swear to fuck I hate it goddamned so
[illegible]. Its a fucking curse. Having a brain
like mine has its godliness but also prone to
making poor ass decisions. . . . Fuck me, man.
Mom just says Im young and young people make
mimstakes. But with me, its painfully more than
that with being autistic and waste time all the
time; myself, people, Death itself. And the
biggest shit; the torchure of being raised a
girl, and actually believed I just had to deal
with it, and tried to be femenine. But that
didn’t last long after high school ended + no
longer had to fear of being called a dyke or a
faggot. It was only until my early 20’s I
finally found the answer — that changing ones
gender is possible. And who I really was I
finally embraced w/o shame. But oh fucking no,
not w/ my mother.
What
she believes, how she grew up conservativly, and
that LGBTQ — especially transgender in her era
was an enigma, an illness or nearly
non-existent. I might have told her once in
childhood I wish I was a boy when she made me
put my shirt back on as a kid. But would say
‘Your a girl, and thats how god made me; you
were born some kind of bullshit like that. It
made me mad. Because being a boy as a kid was
when I was felt most like myself. A bare, flat
chest made me free. Girl puberty inprisoned me.
And so does my mind. Puberty = Life sentence
The
people in this world adds more bullets to shoot
violent thoughts into my head full-on auto. I
hate parental views; now my mom sees me as a
daughter — and she’d not bear to want to loose
that daughter because a son would be the death
of Audrey.
Pain
of loosing a daughter? Thats not pain, thats
selfishness. Just like any rest of th eparents
with that mindset. They are all full of shit.
How could they not ever think of thier own child
suffering, and that they hate their gender so
bad they cut + want to kill themselves? Fuck
parents like them who think of themselves first,
and thier preference of conservative religion —
gay shit makes them believe that the child they
are given should stay that way in how they
prefer them to be out of fear or (illegible).
Even
if transgender treatment was discovered and
tested during my time, I know how the situation
would have turned out. My mother would not have
payed a cent. Children who were able to
successfully take puberty blockers and never
enter a torchured puberty, those little faggots
don’t know how good they fucking have it. I’d
kill to have parents who would let thier child
be happy no matter how different it is to thier
viewpoints or don’t agree, or scared of it. They
are willin gto listen to their children, not the
other way around. Id kill to have had those
resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty
blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment
of non-conforming transgender children. 2007 was
when I was when I was in the 6th grade. Puberty
already hit me. The only reason I could conclude
why it didn’t bother me too much is that my
boobs were small. I though they’d stay that way
forever. My autistic brain change in body fucked
me over now, even if my boobs are still small
for the most part.
It
started w/ getting new underwear for my big
bears (my two tabbies, my lion + frog) And there
I was thinking of porn and doing plastic surgery
on my boy stuffed animals when I got home giving
them penises b/c thier middle in section looked
like a vagina + the underwear was [illegible]
too big. Why not give volume with [illegible].
No boy should ever have that. If I cant change
my appearence, I can pretend how it would be by
my imagination of childs play through my stuffed
animal’s spirits through me.
Toy
Sex (My Imaginary Penis.)
I
can pretend to be them + do the things boys do +
experience w/ thier dicks. My boy self as tony —
my stuffed boy doll is like the boy I am in
another form since childhood. I constructed for
him a penis, then got out my girl doll named
Ashley (who is tonys life-long boyfriend) to
have sex w/ tony. Ashley was represented as any
dream girl I wished to have in real life as a
child (I liked blonde white hot girls back
then), and tony is me; having those intimate
relationships w/ a beautiful girl. Tony is a
boy: inside and out. Ashley is a girl inside and
out. Two straight lovers who are in full nature
of themselves by awareness. I let Tony fuck
Ashley in the ass hard-humping and stuffed
Tony’s big penis in aggressivly into her
asshole. It took several attempts for Tony to
put his dick into her vigina because he has a
big dick (and was even bigger since had had an
erection) finally went in and Ashley cried and
moaned for a good ten minutes. Tony humped slow
and gentle from viginal sex. In but sex, he
humped speedly and hard, tony grunting w/ all
his strength. Then after I fucked Ashley for a
good ten minutes (remember Tony is me).
Then
I let her suck his dick and touch his erected
penis. After that they wrapped each other in
thier arms + legs as a sloth hugging a tree.
After love they made, gracefully sat side by
side naked holding hands, surrounded by the
scattering of thier clothes. I took pictures of
thier sex positions.
My
imaginary penis was hard for hours. Rock hard as
a flintstone. Hours making cloth penises for my
boy bears, only to realize I missed the gym
cause they closed at 7. I was mad already cause
I had no work all that afternoon. Walked around
the mall browsing t-shirts at Spencers and got
some boots for tommy, my stuffed lion At
build-A-Bear workshop. I purchased some stickers
at Zummies for my car and one sticker I got — A
stripper booty illustration w ‘Dat Ass’ on it.
God, I am such a pervert. I waste too much time
in my fantasies. . . .
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